Su Kian

My Blog has moved....

2008-04-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

Hellooowwww...I've moved my blog to www.vanessachia27.blogspot.com

In Thailand - Selah

2008-01-25T07:45:00.000-08:00

IGNORANCE......watching the news in the hotel room, was showing the refugees and people in the country where there's ongoing war...where necessities are scarce. Saw their sufferings and frustrations...helpless in that situation, no freedom, no options....stuck in that moment of time.

They know no way of freedom...the only thing they are aware of is their sufferings and pain.

Felt the HS pointing to me that those who do not know the Saviour, who have not heard and know not the Way to freedom...but fully aware of their pain and sufferings. And ironically, people who do know the Way to freedom, heard about it,perhaps chose it....but sometimes not aware at all that they are in captivity, trapped, stucked, in their own view of themselves, not truly walking in freedom.....IGNORANCE.....

FAMILIARITY....went to one of the temple in Bangkok, an old lady has lots of birds in small cages, and if you pay 90 Baht, you can release the birds as a sign of luck and good fortune.

HS pointed to me...some of us were like the birds in the cage, trapped, eager to be set free...and when Jesus came, He pay the price for our freedom, that we can be released from the cages in our lives, it did come with a price...and He sets us free....

In the case of the old lady, the birds that were released came flying back!guess that's how she earn a living...

But...how many people, who have been bought with a price, to be set free from the cages, went out from it, but only to come back to it...because they are so used to their old lives, some choose to live in the past, some prefer to dwell in sins, in their own ways....

In that freedom, the world seems to be filled with uncertainty, there needs to be a change, it's no longer the same, something unknown, something greater...But fear holds them back!Pride of life hardens their heart and mind..so they stay the same. Occassionaly out of the cage, but went right in again. Same old same old..FAMILIARITY....

One thing needed...the Light of the world to shine into their heart and mind.

And He needs you!! to bring His light into the world. Light that sets the captives free and release the prisoners from their chains. Light that chases every darkness away. That Light is the Truth, exposing every lies and deceptions..and that Truth is a person....and His name is Jesus.

In Thailand - A Miracle

2008-01-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

2nd day in Bangkok went to the hospital with my sister bringing her husband for medication. They met the doctor and during the consultation, he said that nothing much can be done for him, for the brain damaged is permanent. The doctor said that he needs a "miracle". That words just hit my spirit, and I remembered what I felt God was speaking earlier even before the trip.

Felt that I need a miracle throughout my holiday...I'm asking for a miracle, in family situation, for m brother in law, for myself as well...dont really know what I'm asking but I'm expecting that He will move before my very eyes.

The more the doctor confirmed his impossible situation to be healed, the more my faith was stirred to believe God for this hopeless situation. In my heart, I refused to believe that there's no more hope, cos I believe God who gives life, He can make all things new.

Friends....I ask that you'll join me in prayer, as God prompts you to do so. It's been a burden in my heart for a while...and still believing for it. Really felt His strength and presence in my heart during this trip...eventhough family situation really overwhelming. And nothing much that I could do...a bit helpless...the only thing needed is God to come into the picture.

Trip to Thailand - The Start

2008-01-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's a start of my holiday.....yuhuu!!!

First destination was Indonesia - my hometown - well, didnt do much at home cos preparing for the trip to Thailand with my sisters...really excited about this....but it was so interesting...at the airport from Brisbane, my ticket was not re-issued using my new name, so basically I didnt have any ticket for the flight!!! cant you imagine that??? I had to wait for more than hour for them to sort it out. Well, at least I managed to get on the plane! :)

Then..this afternoon, after I got on the plane to Bangkok, suddenly I realised..I didnt bring the most important thing!!!it's my bible.....also I left my MP3 player, filled with great sermons!! which I'm so wanting to listen during the trip! Man!!!!!!! I even forgotten my camera!!! that's just great, Vanessa!! I was just not so happy about it...without the bible, felt like really not complete heyy. Felt uneasy the whole time I was on the plane...

But then, I just stopped and think about it....hang on! the Holy Spirit is living within me....and it's God Himself being with me....He's there to guide me and teach me...and I dont have to feel that something is missing, while that something is actually always there.

Then I thought about people who dont have the access to bible, those who never heard or rarely heard about God's word being preached to them....when there's no option for them. And here I am feeling very frustrated not having my bible for 2 weeks!!! So pathetic!!!

Having thought of the bigger picture, I dont have to worry so much. God's peace was in my heart, and will always be...knowing the author of the bible is living in my heart...and I need to turn in to listen.

I see this perhaps like an adventure with God, just me and God....in everyday life, trying to hear, learn, and follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit within me....no bible, no songs, life groups...in the midst of distractions and noise...it's where I'm learning to depend on the Holy Spirit presence in my heart....

Anyway, I think it's getting late now...so maybe I'll get some rest. But yeahh....hope to share what God is doing in the next few days ...

Do pray for me, the family...the battle is real and nearer than ever.

Love Languages

2007-12-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

Took the test online for 5 love languages, and my lowest being physical touch n receiving gifts..hmmm..I do love receiving gifts though...
And the highest turned out to be "quality time"...guess what! the highest score for a love language is 12...and I got 12 on that!!!!well, I do agree that the presence of someone there with me is very important...I guess that's how God relates to me the most is reassuring me through His presence, and I do really feel His presence. It's amazing to think that God chooses the best way to relate to us, for our own sake, and that proves He knows us the best!
Thank God for making me this way.... :)

Love Language Score

Words of Affirmation 7
Quality Time 12
Receiving of Gifts 2
Acts of Service 7
Physical Touch 2

http://greaterquest.com/LoveLanguages.asp

True Worship

2007-11-22T19:04:00.000-08:00

When you know grief so overwhelming that you feel you will drown in the depths of emotion, this is when you need to choose to worship the King-there at your lowest point.
This is where the sweet presence of God will wash over you, and our Father will breathe His breath into your life, allowing you to rise again and find His grace and favor to go on.

When you feel your world is in complete darkness, choose to praise Him in the midst of it. God's glorious light will invade the situation, and the reality is that dark and light cannot coexist. An explosion of praise chases the darkness away, and again His kiss-the reality of why we need a Saviour is revealed.

Darlene Zcshech, The Kiss of Heaven

After the Trip

2007-11-11T18:59:00.001-08:00

Back in Brisbane on Sunday afternoon(so glad!!!)..there's no place like home..and felt so tired that I left the service halfway and took a 2hrs nap!

So many things happened during the trip, and how God was really with us throughout the whole trip. He works out His purpose in us as a team, and also individually. It was such an amazing God-encounter moment.
Being out there, stepping out in faith, really challenge all 7 of us, to put away our fears, and to just share the gospel. Wasnt easy, as we felt there is so much hardness in people's heart.

I witness how as we step out in obedience and faith, His presence is always with us. God really proven His words and He shows Himself faithful to His promises.
As He commanded us to "GO"...He will be with us. And my eyes saw how He encourages us, how He speaks to us, and provided us with all that we need. And He works despite our failures, our own plans and goals, and that really opened my eyes to see how God is really God. Nothing can change nor interfere with His plans. His purpose will prevail, no matter what!
And my heart cries out.."Lord, I want to be a part of that! I want to be included in Your plan for redemption and restoration of this generation. I want to play my part in the place that You've prepared me to be."
This trip has been a great encouragement and a revelation of Himself, that in whatever things, beyond time and any limitation, I know He is greater than all things. He is greater than myself, my weaknesses, my failures, my hopes and dreams....and that gives me Hope, to anchor my life upon His promises, and to trust upon His goodness.

(Romans 4:18)
"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed........"

I felt His presence closer than before, and He revealed more of Himself, that I may begin to look more and more to Him, till everything about me fades slowly in the light of who He is. He help me to face my struggles by filling me with greater Hope of Himself, that I would no longer try by my own strength to fix things, but to allow Him to take over. He taught me what it means to cast all my cares to Him, and to take upon His yoke, that's easy and not burdensome.
He intended a life that would lean and rest upon His love and goodness, to enjoy a close fellowship with the Father, and transformed to be like the Son.

Another step, another season, another lesson
Brings me...
A little closer, a little further, a little higher
Keep on following, walking and aiming
Always obey, trust and hope
To be more like Him, to find myself in Him, and be found in Him.

Sydney, here we come!

2007-11-07T01:18:00.000-08:00

Mission trip time!! yeahh...will be in Sydney for the weekend from Thursday onwards. This is my 1st organised mission trip with Joseph group.
Please pray for the team, that God we'll have faith to see God move! C ya later, Brisbane!

Grace Made Its Home....

2007-10-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

Grace had found me…and now grace has start making its home within me…
It always amazes me the work of His hands upon my life, and revelation upon revelation of His love in my life. Recently God has been showing His grace and reveal to me what it really means to live in His grace.
But first of all, He was working something deep in my heart, healing, restoring, filling it with His love, then…it breaks again, then comes healing, restoration, and the infilling of His love..again and again…

Brokenness found me and made its home within me…strangely enough, it is the very ground of which grace made its home. Is this what the bible means where it says that God lives in high places, but also with him who has contrite spirit?
More and more that it happens in my life, I felt like the most vulnerable being ever…ready to break anytime, but at the same time I felt His grace strongest than ever holding me…Is this what the bible means when apostle Paul said that His power is made perfect in my weaknesses?

Yes..grace has made its home within me…it leads me to a place of rest, a place to lean on Jesus…not that my troubles will be lesser..in fact it will even become more, but there’s this peace, there’s this rest, and this is grace….that made me stronger than ever to face what the future may bring.

Burned...

2007-10-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

Not me!!
Tried to make those yummy pineapple tarts last Saturday - Mom's recipe..hehe...but failed!Spent hours doing that...quite frustrating..right, Jos?(my baking partner...).
She saved the life of some tarts by warning me they were overbaked and burned!!! Haha..it was fun though!

Priceless

2007-09-27T04:17:00.000-07:00

Last week Friday was driving a friend home to Inala, and on the way I was just talking about how I used to have fear whenever the car is moving too fast due to near death experience that I had in Malaysia. I shared how God set me free from the fear, and now I love the speed (well, sometimes I speed a bit..hehe..). She shared how she would be really careful on the road..and ya ya ya...was agreeing with her...but it's just kinda came in through left ear and came out from the right ear.

And God knew what's happening in my heart...I was a bit stubborn, and rebellious...cos I still didnt really take even driving too fast seriously.

Low and behold....on the way back, I missed the turn on the roundabout!! I freaked out!! considering how bad I am in direction and reading map!
But thank God I managed to make another round to go back to the same place and pheuwwww...so scary. And I remember that my phone was off cos no battery.

I felt God was teaching me that sometimes, we can go through a situation and allow us to make the wrong choice, so that we can learn not to repeat it again..and of course God will provide a U-Turn for us.

About to reach Toowong...driving on the highway, didnt realise that I was a bit too fast...for some reason, my feet didnt want to tap on the break to slow down...and it was a tricky road where the speed always change..(yeahh..I was blaming at everyhting but myself...still stubborn...)
The suddenly ..."Booph..." not sure if that's the right way to describe..haha...saw a flash and...crap!!I bet I just earned myself a speeding fine. So I mourn and kept saying.."Jesus...why??"...then after a while, then it just hit me. A revelation from God - He was teaching me a lesson, to obey and do what is right. He knew sometimes I can be a bit stubborn...and finally I said.."Ok, Lord...I got it...I know You're teaching me and showing my heart attitude."

Felt grieved....cos I did what was wrong in His eyes...but yet, the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit that showed and spoke to me, it didnt come in a condemning way..but more like a firm, persuasive, loving kind of discipline. Reminded me about the Father's love to discipline His children. And I knew that His intention is always love. Out of love He didnt want me to remain the same.
Realising that, I felt very touched..and I felt grateful..and I felt joyful..!!Knowing that He cares enough...haha...so I felt really happy that night!
Haha..so strange...felt mixed of emotions at the same time.

Then I thought to myself..would we react differently in situations where God placed us in,if we knew and believe that His intention is always love?If He opens our eyes to see beyond the situation, His intention behind it...How would our respond be?

The $100 plus fine is nothing..compare to experiencing Him. How He opened me eyes, learned a valuable lesson, an experience to come to a better understanding of His heart....to know Him better and be changed..that I may continue to walk in the path of obedience...now that's PRICELESS!!!

A Walk to Remember

2007-09-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

Sunday without the usual church service, felt like it was a Saturday, caught up with some friends, had a BBQ in the afternoon....and an emotional outburst in someone's car (hehe..sorry :p).

It's funny how sometimes I feel that I'm a very strong person, but at other time I feel that I'm so fragile and tender. Do I choose to be like that or it's a just a fact that God had made me that way?anyway, I believe can use these in my life for His purpose.

Late in the afternoon, I took a walk along the river...really recommended when you have a lot of things in your mind, and just want to find a peaceful place to talk to God. Last time when still staying at Southside, I'd jump into the swimming pool, especially when I'm tired.

Couldnt find the words to express how I felt and what God spoke to me..but this is the best that I can try...pray that it can somehow encourage you, my friends(and not so-friends) to continue to look to Him, to hope, and to believe..

Walking down the road
On one late afternoon
Noticed the skies, painted in blue
Fading its colours, as the sun returned to its home

There I was speechless
Confused...afraid...
Not knowing which step to take
My heart cries out, for You to shine Your light once more

Have I forgotten the way?
That leads me back to where Your heart is
Have I failed to understand?
Your purpose and plan for my life

As I reach out my hand to You
Lead me, Lord...each step of the way
In this journey called surrender
Where loneliness waits on every turn

Let me not forget to look to You
That I may put my trust in You
Fill me with hope, embrace me in Your love
And my heart will worship You alone

There in the silence
Gazing at the evening skies
I look at the moon and the stars
Shining bright as it colours the night

You opened my eyes
And all I could see
Is Your faithfulness O Lord
Surrounding me in every season's change

You opened my ears
To hear a song of praise
That arise within my heart
And I'll delight in Your ways again

(Psalm 25:10 "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of His covenant")

Why are you downcast O my soul?

2007-09-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday felt very discouraged…. But I choose to obey..to submit…do it His way.
First thing I did? I cried…hehe..yeah…thank God it was after working time…
It’s the very natural thing that I do everytime something emotional happened….thanks to my mom who inherited this sensitiveness and softness…how I wish I am a tough girl who don’t cry!!! But I’m not…
And I cried out to God to give me His peace…kept praying…and even trying to read the scriptures from Psalm 42 again and again…
“Why are you downcast O my soul…
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God…for I will yet praise Him…
My God and my Saviour…”

In the evening…in His presence, I broke down in tears again…really bad!hehe…eyes were swollen with triple eye lid…kept praying…and asking His peace again..

And I heard His words to me, “What you just did is an obedience to me….and I require obedience better than sacrifice or your offerings..”
Wow..that words filled me with His peace, and I begin to see, that I was deceived and arrogant in what happened. Humbled by His mercy, I asked Him to take the lead in my life, felt like someone who cant tell her right from her left hand, can’t tell which is wrong and right. I remembered His words saying that, in our eyes things seems to be right, but it actually leads to sin/death…only God who has the true discernment.

His revelation brings freedom into my spirit, and it releases peace that guards my heart and mind. Amazing what the truth of God can do in our lives!!

Now I understand what king David meant when he said that verse…how that applies to my own life…situations may happen, and it may bring discouragement, and I may be broken, and I may cry badly over something…in all of that, it was that moment when I forget to look to God…when my soul is down, dwelling in discouragement or problems, I need to say to myself, hey…why am I downcast O my soul? look to God for solution…entrust Him my situations…and as I do that, He comes and fills me with peace and joy. Knowing that I am being held, in His hands, the hands that holds this universe together! When I look to Him who is bigger than the universe, it makes my problems small. Dunno how He does it but He did something in my heart, that I know it’s not by my own effort.

In everything, always fixed our eyes upon Jesus…
What do you see in your situation? Can you see Him there?

Late Nite Encounter

2007-08-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

It’s a new season, feeling that God is giving me a new strength, new passion, new joy…and I’m really delighting myself in Him. I’m enjoying Him very much, and His presence is becoming more real than ever…His blessings overflows in my life…so overwhelmed by His grace and love.

Just last night, was lying on my bed, ready to go to bed…after started to fall asleep when I was praying..hehe…happened sometimes…And I was playing a devotional music..with lyric that goes like “Lord, You have my heart, and I will search for Yours…” Suddenly just felt the presence of God in the room, I could actually feel Him there just watching over me. Everytime I sleep, He watches over me..never realised this before, but it was overwhelming…God never sleeps!And His eyes are on me all the times!!! What a revelation!! Cos sometimes I forget that He’s with me all the times…but it doesn’t change the fact that His presence is with me every moment. So had a good cry before I slept…hehe….

Hot Spot!

2007-08-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

Went to Yuen's to get 10kg of rice for a friend...and need to rush off to another meeting back in Toowong. Parked my car right in front of the Vietnamese bakery, and a thought came to me, well...maybe I should buy some bread?I reasoned that I can serve the people with that...cos I hardly buy things from that bakery.

A lady came out and served me, as my hand reached to pick up the buns, she saw something on my wrist...and asked me if I am a follower of Dalai Lama???huh???haha...and I just explained that it's nothing special, bought it cos I like the butterfly thingy dangling..(love everything with butterflies...). And I told her that I'm a follower of Jesus, a Christian...and there we started chatted about our beliefs, and shared with her how I used to be a Buddhist. Apparently she follows Dalai Lama teaching.

Went back to my car...and was thanking God for giving me the chance to share, eventhough unexpected..but I realised that oh mannn!!! God is really convicting me about sharing the gospel of Christ, in anyway possible. I felt that drives and passion that I've never felt before..
And when He puts me in a "hot spot" - there I have a choice - What am I doing with the gospel in my hand?

I developed a motto for myself :

"Whatever it takes!" for the kingdom of God - this helped me a lot in times where I dont feel like going the extra mile, or when my selfishness and ego arise within me.
I just tell myself..."Whatever it takes, Su Kian!!"Do it for Christ' sake!"

And another one is:

"Just Do It!" for the kingdom of God - especially when I hestitate, and try to reason and justify myself not to have to do certain things. Quickly I'll tell myself again.."Just do it, Su Kian!!For Christ' sake!!"

They really works!!!hahaha...and God really fills my heart with joy - it became my strength.
Nothing of my own....

So when God puts you in a "hot spot" - what would you do?

Decisions..it’s all about decisions…

2007-08-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

When God opened my eyes to myself in the reflection of His mirror of truth, well..it’s not a very pretty look. I begin to discover so many weaknesses and imperfections, a human being inside me, frankly…I felt ashamed about myself…not that I hate myself, I do love myself, but something in me called the sinful nature, separate from who I am, but not really…if you know what I mean.

Kept saying…”God, there’s nothing good in me at all!!! Times and times again I sinned against You..what to do with me????…quite frustrating because you want to do something about it, but you feel you cant do anything about it???

“Please change me, Lord…change my heart, I don’t want to be like this!”What can I do to change myself?”
While expecting that I’d heard some kind of convicting loud voice from God to affirm that yesss…I’m a sinner, and what I did is not right in His eyes…
Instead, I heard a gentle answer….His Spirit spoke to me”It’s not about being something, or trying to change something, it’s not about how can I changed myself to reach a standard that I set for myself….But it’s about every decision that you make, the choices that you make at each point of time and situation. It’s about making the right choice…it’s about choosing Christ.”

I was overwhelmed by that…a gentle voice that comforts and brings light into the situation. There’s a peace that came and flooded my mind and heart. Knowing that I don’t have to be Miss Perfect Christian to please God…I am who I am with all my imperfections, and I am determined to do what is right and pleasing to Him. He is pleased with my obedience, not with what I can offer or sacrifice. The exercise of self-will and to submit it under the authority itself demonstrated the sacrifice and act of worship to acknowledge the sovereignity of Christ over our lives.

Whenever you come to a cross-roads, or any given situation where you need to decide and act, Pause…and Ask… What Would Jesus Do?Then…Just Do It!

“Jesus guides us towards Christ-likeness and yet remember the fallenness of our humanity”
(quote from the book “Beautiful Offering” – Angela Thomas)

My Interview

2007-08-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today went for my citizenship interview in the morning. Got everything needed, and memorised the answers to the question that they’ll be asking. So pretty sure that today will mark the day of history in Su Kian’s life journey…
Then…found out that I have to wait until next month, the 15th September, to lodge in my application. Haihhh…I forgot to count the days when I was on my holiday for the past two years. They count every single day that I am actually staying in Australia.

The interesting part is…starting from the 17th September, they will introduce the new test – where you have to sit for multiple choice questions…sounds a bit scary for me…and the officer told me that I don’t have to do the test, if I lodge my application online on the Saturday, 15th September.
Thank God!!!! So close….but really praise God!!!
All I can say is…”God, why do you have to make it such a suspense and exciting for me???” Hahhahaa…walking with God is the greatest adventure!!!

Showers of Blessings

2007-08-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

After a season of drought, the rain started to pour out….I guess it’s raining now, and my life has been soaking lately on His presence. With that, blessings follows…. J
I’ve been wanting to buy a computer, it’s been a couple of months already…such a procrastinator!!Hehe, but financially as well a bit difficult. And remembered that I did once prayed and ask God to give one to me…hehe…felt kinda silly afterwards, then I reasoned to myself that computer doesn’t just fall down or get delivered to your front door. So put away the thought of getting a “free” computer from God.

This month I was getting close of buying it…and one fine night, my housemate Felisa, received a phone call from her friend whom just came back to Brisbane a week ago, and guess what…..
She asked Felisa if anyone needed a computer, and she’s “giving away” hers, in the midst of spring cleaning her apartment.

In the midst of preparing salad for dinner, my heart kinda leaps! Haha…was stunned and surprised. And without any hesitation, I say “Yes” to the offer!!!

In my heart, I said to God…”Lord, I wasn’t that serious asking you for a “free” computer…, but apparently You are serious with my request!”

Was reminded that couple of days before, on one fine night, in God’s presence, was expressing my desire to want Him more..and I told Him that I do not ask for blessings, nor any success in career, nor a house, nor a new car, nor a life partner(seriously….), if there’s one thing I ask is You, Lord. I know that nothing could ever fill that place in my heart other than Him. I know it…
And this God-chasing experience became really..really exciting!challenging!won’t change anything for it. I really found what I’m living for..it’s Him, a person, the truth, not the “things” of Him, nor what I can get and be for Him. The core of all that is basically a “relationship”…a love relationship with Jesus. And in the process, I am changed, and in that place, I am where He wants me to be, and doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I believe that when we place the right priority in our lives, everything will sort of fit and turn out to be just right. But again, we must not look at it through our human eyes, but through God’s…through the lenses of faith in Him.

So, it was really “sweet” of Him giving me blessings…He must have delighted in me…Ohhh..I think I’m falling in love again…

Still hasn’t really settled in my head that I actually have a “free” computer – from someone that I barely knew – I mean, that’s definitely God!!!

It taught me a lesson, that nothing is too small for God, and He cares in every little details of our lives. Even the very strand of our hair, He knows it! I can believe Him for everything!

The Lord Who Sees

2007-07-23T04:18:00.000-07:00

You are the Lord who sees
My beginning and the end
You have ordained each day
My future is in Your hand

You breathe life and purpose
As You had me in Your mind
Long before the time began
You knew every step I’d take

By Your hand, You lead me out of the wilderness
By Your love, You draw me close to Your heart

Now I stand here with You
Where Your grace sees me through
I open my heart, and lift up my eyes to You
And all I could see is Your faithfulness and love

You filled my life with hope and truth
And mercy that’s new every day
You gave your all for me
When You took my place and died for me

You see the depths of my heart
All of my fears, my hope, my dreams
In brokenness I surrender my all
Laying them at Your feet

Let my life be a living sacrifice
To bring honour and glory to Your name
May I live to worship You alone
To dwell in Your house and gaze at Your beauty

Now I call You My Lord and King
Jehovah, my soul provider
Life giver, Prince of peace
I’ll give my praise to You forevermore

The Art of Surrender

2007-07-23T03:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last blog entry...partly because I have no computer at home (I'm amazed at myself that I can actually live without it...well, for temporary time only..). I can say that it has been a great and amazing few weeks of my life.

Interesting enough that God was speaking about a lot of things at the same time, personally again He is bringing me to a place of deeper trust in Him. He was asking me to surrender my heart,again and again...the things that I hold tightly in my heart, and I realised that I have not fully given it to Him all of it. There I knew that how little my faith is...how weak my heart is. But I want to follow Him, and I do want to be wholeheartedly devoted to Him. As I choose that decision, my heart just broke. It's almost like everytime I'm broken before God, it's like a jar that broke again and again, the first few times it broke, it became small pieces, and the more it's being broken again and again, it became finer and all the sharp and rough edges begin to disappear.

The art of surrender....how does one give what is not his?And to begin to embrace death of oneself...where one is finally no more. Taking on a new life, transforming to One image...an image so perfect and whole.
It's an art of giving,....giving oneself wholly without holding anything back. Casting all cares and concerns of oneself to One, whom with open arms, promise to keep, guard, and always present.

I want to live a radical life for Him...the One...and totally casting myself with all the cares in my life, and to believe, to hope, to trust....having confidence that my God will supply all my needs according to the riches found in Christ Jesus. I took His word for it.

I want to be one, who will master the art of surrender...to see His glory in my lifetime. A constant art to learn, but I know that He'll be constantly present to enable me to do it.

Never Runs Dry

2007-06-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

I believe the Lord is calling me to go deeper in my committment to Him. At first, felt a bit afraid that somehow I won't be able to cope with it or it will change some things in my life at the moment...I guess I realised that my humanly nature rises, and tries to throw in as many reasons of not to do it.

In confusion, I asked the Lord to pesonally speak to me if it's really His will, and I needed Him to put that assurance in my heart. During the time just enjoying His presence, suddenly the passage about the widow and Elijah in 1 Kings 17 came into my mind...
And felt the Holy Spirit speaks into my heart...As I decided to give ou myself, to committ and surrender my life to the Lord, as He has asked me to, He promised that like the widow who gave what she had, in obedience to the voice of God, that the Lord will cause my life to never runs dry..never runs out..
He promised His endless supply of strength, power and grace upon my life...when I choose to give out my life for His purpose.

" The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day of the Lord gives rain on the land.."(1 Kings 17:14)

I took His promise into my heart, and I choose to obey....I said, "Yes, Lord...here am I.."

I realise that God always has His ways to speak to us..in His perfect timing...for His perfect will...
I guess the question will be, " What is your respond?"

In the Desert

2007-06-13T15:22:00.000-07:00

When the leaves started to wither
And the ground began to dried up
How the earth longs for the rain
And the brooks to flow again

So it is with my soul
How I long for Your touch
In a dry and weary land
I’m desperate for You to fill me

With fresh and new living water
Flowing from Your throne
Revive my spirit, renew my heart
Make known to me once again

The pathway to Your heart
The joy of Your salvation

Then my heart will praise Your name
Saviour, Blessed Redeemer
The One who is and always be
The bread of life, fountain of the living water

And forever my heart will rejoice
For Your grace keeps me still
In the quiet waters and green pastures
There I’ll hear Your voice again

So even if my soul faints
And my strength fails
Yet my heart will choose to say
Blessed be the name of The Lord..

A Heart Cry

2007-06-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

Feeling confused…don’t know what I’m feeling at the moment…feeling troubled, and my heart is refused to be comforted. Not really at rest, and seems that it craves and yearning for something…something to satisfy my heart…

And I know that it’s only You, Lord. You’re all that I need, and just a word from You would calm this storm in my heart…a gentle whisper that calms the waves of my doubt and unbelief…
It’s Your voice that gives peace into my soul…that comforts me…

Lead me back to the green pastures, to the quiet waters…
where my soul can be at rest once again.
Let Your word light the way in the darkness of night…may I find You in the secret place, where I see the light of Your countenance and Your glory filled my heart once again..
To be close to Your heart is where I want to be, and always be…
To dwell in Your house is where I want to stay, all the days of my life..
To spend the rest of my life with You, knowing You, and loving You, that’s all I want to do…Now until eternity…

You’re all I want, You’re all I need..
Where can I go from Your presence?from the heights to the depth of the earth, You are there…from the east to the west, Your unfailing love keeps me from falling and breaking…Even if I do, Your grace lifted me up again and restore my soul.

A heart cry to You, oh Lord
Reaches to Your ears...
Be still, oh my heart
Be at rest once more, oh my soul

For the Lord is near, closer than ever..
And once again, I hear Him gently whispers...
And feels Him gently touches..
My heart knows, hears, and sees...that He is here with me.

A Single Seed

2007-06-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, was having our Joseph Care Group retreat down at Gold Coast. Very refreshing time and thought that I’d share what God has spoken during that time…..

(John 12:24)
“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

During the 1st night, was reading this verse, and I knew that God intended me to read it. As I began to ask God to reveal to me what He wanted to say, then felt that He was referring me, and every single child of God like that seed. We are meant to bear fruit, and we need to be planted in His field, which is the church, and there could be no other way. We need first to choose to fully commit ourselves to Him, and choose his will above everything.

Apart from that, He spoke to me something else that answer my situation where I felt unrest in my heart…He shows that it’s like a plant that’s growing…sometimes He brings a dry season in my life…so that I will stretch out my roots even more…reaching deeper into the Source of the Living Water. It’s a choice that I need to make, whether I want to remain the same, or to press on until I reach that Living Water. And I realise that He brings challenges and different seasons in my life, for one single purpose…to draw me to Himself.

Well, I see it pretty simple…whatever things that we do, decisions that we make, if that results in drawing ourselves closer to God and His purposes for our lives, you then have made the right move! Even if you don’t, the grace is God is always able to bring you back again as you ask of Him.

I Would Have Not

2007-05-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

I think this week been having quite a distracted mind!! …and I found myself thinking why things happened the way they are and what if they didn’t actually happen…would my life be different now? Would it be for the best or worse?

So I was asking myself…
Lord, why don’t you take away this situation from my life??it would be much better if I don’t have it,…I guess…I would be free…I guess…the struggles would be much more lesser..I guess…my heart and mind wont be too burdened…I guess…life would be easier..I guess…

But.….
Would I have been a different person by now?
Would I be whom I’m supposed to be? Would I missed that chance of experiencing You?
Would I have not let You do what You wanted to do in my life?
Would I’ve known the meaning of surrender?
Would I have experienced the deeper touch of Your love?
Would I have understood what it meant to call You Lord and Friend?
I guess I would have not.….

So the conclusion is…
No matter what had happened,
No matter how I’m feeling..
No matter how my life is..
No matter how many struggles I’m facing..
No matter what…I shall praise God and thank Him for everything…
Cos through all those seasons in my life, He is working to fulfil His purpose in my life, and everything…my mess, my troubles, my worries, He’ll turn it around for my own good.
These are His words…and that’s all I need to answer all my questions!

It Shall be Well by Grace

2007-05-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

The past few days, seems that God is revealing more of His grace, and at the same time there was a revelation of the nothingness in me. To know that nothing in me that can accomplish what He desires, and it’s purely Him who fulfil His purpose in me.

And I said this prayer to Him…

Your grace, Oh Lord
The sweet aroma, the fountain of blessings, joy and peace
Where I find acceptance, love and Your embrace
Nothing that I can say or do, that can make You love me more
It’s purely by Your grace, Oh Lord..

I come to a place of rest, where I found You
Where there’s no more strivings, no more trying, no more struggling..
No more that I can do..
But to say, I am who I am by the grace of God, and I do what I do by the grace of God

May Your grace is made perfect in my lack
May Your grace is made perfect in my weaknesses
May Your grace is made perfect in my failures
In everything I do…let it be made perfect

Lord, I felt a yearning…a desire…stronger than anything else, to see Your glory in my life and Your Kingdom come.
It’s a place where I’m merging with You, slowly…pieces and every bit of me being consumed by You, the fierce fire of Your love for me.
And in all situation, I’ll say.. “ It shall be well by grace”

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Jesus is our all in all…again and again, I come back to that place…in His presence, simply being with Him where His mercy and grace overflows.
It’s where all other things started to fade away, in the light of His presence.
Will you come to that place? And say the above prayer too?
Will you say…”It shall be well by grace” ?

Abiding in Christ

2007-05-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

Reading “When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas at the moment, and found this writing by Andrew Murray of what it means by abiding in Christ…give it a bit of thought…

Abiding in Christ is just meant for the weak, and so beautifully suited to their feebleness.
It is not the doing of some great thing, and does not demand that we first lead a very holy and devoted life.
No, it is simply weakness entrusting itself to a Mighty One to be kept-the unfaithful one casting self on One who is altogether trustworthy and true.
Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us, and through us.
It is a work He does for us. (Andrew Murray)

My Mum

2007-05-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

Mother’s Day!! In my family, we don’t normally celebrate those special days. Hmm..but as I reflect about my mom, well just thought of sharing how mothers are gifts from God and even with their imperfections, they have taught and demonstrate God’s love upon our lives.

When I was much younger, I never really understood a mother’s love for her children, and I take it for granted a lot of times. But as I grew older and came to know Christ, as I begin to know the meaning of what love is, I begin to appreciate her more, for who she is and what she has done for all of us.
It’s amazing!! Considering that she has 6 children, me being the 5th, I consider myself very lucky. Having sisters and brothers around who supported me, such a big blessings! That’s probably why I’d love to have many kids next time!

I can say that I’m my mum’s favourite daughter…hehe….yupp! My younger sister even confirmed that! Everything that I want, she’ll give it to me…when I asked for some cash, she never questioned a lot, she trusted me a lot, and I could feel that she’s really proud of me. So I’ve always wanted to make her happy, to put a smile on her face.

When I looked at my parents’ wedding picture, wow…always feel proud of them! My mum has that simplistic beauty on her, and my dad has a fine good looking appearance (I’m really saying the truth here…).
She told me once why she chose my dad…hehe….cos one thing about my dad, couldn’t see any romantic dna at all in him…hahaha…and she said that there is something in my dad that she could see. She sees that my dad would be a good father who would take care of the family well. And she was absolutely right!! My dad would do whatever it takes to protect and provide for us. A man with few words, but has a sacrificial heart.

What I can really see from my mum is her sacrificial heart and faithfulness, putting the family above herself. The fact that she has a really soft and sensitive heart, and with a lot of the family struggles that we have, I believe she really felt it and it overwhelmed me thinking how much does she needs to bear emotionally. She could have just chose to walk away and leave everything behind, pursuing her own desires…but, she didn’t! Thank God! It is there I began to see her inner strength emerged, out of her frailty there is great strength. Something that I learn and took in for myself, the beauty of her heart. I could never thank God enough for her in my life.

My mom…
She chose to give
She chose to serve
She chose to smile
She chose to embrace
She chose to love
She chose to let go
She chose to stay
She chose us
She chose everything, but herself…

A Bride to be....

2007-05-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

Was at the wedding on Saturday, and I’m always excited at weddings!! It’s such a beautiful and sacred moment, where two hearts are joined through the love of God, to make a long life commitment to each other, to cherish, to give, to love, and to walk side by side.

As the bride arrives ( yess!!! the most anticipated time for the bridegroom..), as usual, I feel the joy in my heart, a sense of awe I can say…to see her walking down the aisle, waiting to be presented to the bridegroom…Beautiful and glorious..

And all in a sudden, I heard the Holy Spirit whispered to me…”You are My bride to be…and I’m preparing you to one day becoming a beautiful and glorious bride..for that day when our hearts will be joined together to eternity.”

Couldn’t help it but feeling overwhelmed, and tears started rolling down…hehehe…
Jesus, once again..You captivated my heart !

I really believe that God is preparing His church, and His church is a “Bride to be..”, and it’ll be beautiful and glorious…more than what we can imagine or describe.
And in this time of preparation and sanctification, I want to be moldable and have a soft and open heart before God, allowing Him to do what He wants in my life..
I want to be so in love with Jesus…no other reason than that. To look forward for that day, when He’ll take hold of my hand…to be His beautiful and glorious bride.

For all the women out there ( including me…hehe…) who are still waiting for the “bridegroom to be” to come, in anticipation, hope and longing in our heart to be one day be joined in a sacred ceremony….
Just want to encourage you to turn our focus and the longing of our hearts to Jesus, and prepare ourselves now, allow Him to do His work of sanctification in your life, to make you pure and blameless before Him.

Marriage on earth is just a small glimpse of the much greater and glorious marriage that is yet to come….I’m excited!! Are you??

My King

2007-05-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

At His command, the clouds hold the rain from falling to the ground
He holds the weather and four seasons in His hands
Look at the skies, the moon and the stars
Displaying the beauty and splendour of the King

How majestic and glorious is our God
No one can ever fathom nor describe His magnificent work
So complex, yet so simple

In my simplicity, I come to Him
I said a prayer…a request
Filled with hope and expectation
Eagerly waiting for an answer..

My heart is filled with His praises, thanksgiving, love,
and the sweetness of His presence
Knowing that the King of Universe,
Took the time…
To listen, to answer, to love, and to be present.

Now that’s my King !

Only You

2007-05-08T16:26:00.000-07:00

Only You alone, who can satisfy my needs
Only You alone, who will always be present
Only You alone, who I can depend on
Only You alone, who love me just as I am

The world may turn its eyes away..
But I will look to the One whose eyes are ever on me
The One whose promises are faithful
Saviour, Lord, and Friend…Jesus is His name..

Why?

2007-05-07T15:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the greatest battle is not found out there…but it’s within. And it could be the most challenging too. Well, starting from Sunday, just thinking about certain stuff and started asking God the “Why” question….
And yesterday, as I was doing some devotional time…then I asked God again…
Why am I not doing the things that I think I should be doing?
Why is my life now seems not to progress as how I want it to be?
Why does situation around me never seems to change?
Why do I feel that I have no wings when I wanted to fly?
Why, God?

Then..as I quiet myself and wait for His answer, I heard a gentle whisper within….
“It’s not about me…”….as I heard that voice, it just kinda answer all the “Why” question that I have, and everything else seems to make sense.
As I embrace that voice, I realised that it doesn’t really matter…really…whatever things that I do…when it comes to me, myself, and I…after all, it’s really all about Him.

It’s all about what He wants to do in and through our lives..
It’s all about His purpose and plans for my life and others..
It’s all about becoming more like Him..more of Him, less of ourselves…
It’s all about seeing His Kingdom come and His will be done..
It’s all about Jesus…really…

I know that life won’t get easier, and there’s another battle that’s yet to come..
But I also know that I’ll hear that voice within, a voice that calms the raging storms and still my heart. A voice that carries power, peace, gentleness and purpose.
Do you have any “Why” questions? Bring them to Jesus…He’ll tell you why…

In Quietness and Stillness

2007-05-02T15:51:00.000-07:00

Reading some of the journals that I wrote…thought that this might encourage those to learn to be still before God and in quietness to wait upon Him....

In Quietness and Stillness…

Each day, my heart is still before You, Lord…seeking after You, and enjoying Your sweet presence in my life.
In the quietness my heart waits, and expect…that You, Oh Lord somehow will speak and gently touch me.

Trying to come near You….
But how far have I’ve gone? Or do I even move?
Move closer to Your presence…where Your glory dwells and grace abounds

Teach me how to walk, how to take each step, to follow Your footsteps…
And find You in every way..
Lord, open my eyes, my ears and my heart…to feel You, and to understand Your will for my life.

How fragile is my life, how weak is my heart, how easy I fall…
How to live this life….without falling or breaking?
To stand tall in the midst of life’s storm?

So I look to You…reaching You..finding You..
And now I know…
You’re the Strong Tower when my life crumbles..
My strength when my heart breaks and torn apart..
Sustainer of my life, The Lifter of my soul

I adore You always, and praise You all of my days
I have nothing if I don’t have You..
My life is what I have now with You…Forever until eternity..my home is where You are.

Psalm 46:10
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be
exalted in the earth.”

Crazy About Him

2007-05-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

Sitting in my room last night, soaking in His presence…was reflecting upon His faithfulness and love for my life. Thinking to myself, I’m just one out of billions of people, with weaknesses, imperfections, my sinful nature…but yet, God overlooked all those things. He gave Himself for me…
I pondered about the sacrifice that He made for us…cos I may not really understand what it means, how far He was willing to go all the way to the cross for us.
I heard a song on the radio, and one line just catches my attention. It goes “Would you take His place on the cross?…this simple line just made me realise again the depth and wide of God’s love for us.

I asked Him, “Could I have loved You more? Could I have give to You more? Could I have serve You more? Could I have become a better person more? Could I have make You smile more? Could I have…?”…
Realised that He is everything that I have and need…who I am and what I have, it’s because of Him…where I am and where I’m going, all my plans and future means nothing without Him…
So I told Him..nothing in me that I could offer, but my broken heart..just myself..I simply offer Him myself. And that’s all I could give…

More and more I feel the longing and yearning for Him keeps on growing…as if nothing can satisfy my heart but Him alone. My heart is captivated by Him, and He has captured my mind, attention, and focus. He is the very first thing I think of in the morning, I look forward to hear His thought throughout the day.

I’ve fallen in love with Jesus…it almost feel like if I fall in love with a guy, where a lot of times, thought of him can drive me crazy! But with Jesus, it feels deeper, down to the depth of my soul ( not that I know how deep it is.. )..it feels that way. I’m crazy about Him!! Hahaha…the thought of having a life partner (bf /husband) is far less appealing now.. ;p

'Psalm 42:7'
"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me."

The lover of our soul is calling..reaching deep into our heart...for there is a a place deep within where only God can touch. An invitation to pursue Him and enjoy Him.

Why Do I Love Him?

2007-04-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

Because of His great love that has touched my heart, and that causes me to love Him back.
He is the One who showed me the way…giving me the meaning and purpose of living...
Who rescued me and sustain my life..
Who provide all my needs…
Who delivered me from the evil one…
Who heals me and brings restoration into my life…
Who strengthens and comfort me…
Who gives me peace….
Who shows me what is right and what is wrong…
Who gives me wisdom and understanding..
Who gives me the courage and takes away my fear…
Who encourages me and always cheer me up!
Who makes me feel safe and secure…
Who makes me feel accepted just the way I am…
Who forgives my sins and gives me a 2nd chance, 3rd chance…even 5th chance, until I get it right!!!
Who always stand by 24/7….and gave me His words that He’ll never leave me nor forsake me…
Who truly convinced me that there’s always hope, and gave me His words that this hope in Him will not fail…
Who showed me what love means….through His son Jesus Christ…
Who adopted me as His own, so that I can be called His child…

I can never understand, the depth of God’s love…
Why He chose me and called me, even sacrificed His only beloved Son for me…
For me…..
Me…who has a sinful nature, selfish desire, and weaknesses…
And how I wish I can change them or get rid of them out of my life...
But again and again, there’s always mistakes that I make, and how I fail to please Him..
At times, it seems that I will never be good enough…and nothing that I see in me that can deserve His love…

When my soul is downcast, I heard a gentle whisper, a whisper that calms the storms in my heart….a gentle voice saying…
“My child, I love you with an everlasting love….and My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in your weaknesses.”

Now I know that …
When the world around me started to crumble…
When no one really understand…
When I’m feeling broken and shattered…
I will look up…
I will look to His love…
I will look to His mercy and grace…
I will look to that hope that is in Him…
I will look into His eyes…that is ever on me…ever looking at me…
And I will say to Him….that He is my all in all…

by Su Kian, 26th March 2006

A Seed for A Purpose

2007-04-30T04:13:00.000-07:00

Looking at nuts, such as almonds, walnuts, macadamias…these good nuts are in a shell. Because they contain good source of nutrition and they are very beneficial, so being in a shell gives protection to the nuts.

God is an amazing God, He is the Creator. He wonderfully created those plants, knowing how to design them, knowing the purpose of those plants.
If God is very thoughtful about the plants, how much more that He thought about us…human beings, whom God love so much, whom God show His love for us in every possible way.

I couldn’t comprehend how God would be so thoughtful in creating each one of us. We are who we are, as how He designed us to be. And being created in Him, He placed in us a very special and unique purpose for our lives.

How and when can we discover that special purpose that He has for us?
As the nuts came from seed form, and slowly grow into a tree, at that moment when we accepted Christ, a seed has been planted in our heart. A seed from God, labeled “made in Heaven”.

The seed is planted in the field of Grace, watered by Love and Compassion. Once it started to grow as a plant, He makes sure that it is well nourished. The Word of God fertilizes the plant, and He starts to trim and cause the plant to grow beautifully and in a good shape. Through challenges and trials in life, He moulds and shapes our lives, for He knows what’s best for us and what we designed to be.

Once it’s well nurtured, it will start to produce fruits; it is as God cause us to produce the fruit of Faith, fruit of Righteousness, and fruit of Love…….
And I can imagine how it will put a big smile on the One who has planted that seed, and caused that seed to grow into a tree and bears fruits.

I believe that is what life is all about. We are planted in the field of Grace, in that process of growing into a tree or bearing those fruits. Knowing and believing this, I can be rest assured in His presence, for He placed me in His field of Grace, and I can obtain the grace as much as I need, in times of need; for His word said “My Grace is sufficient for you…”

And when I feel weak and helpless, I can look to Him for strength, for His word says: ”My power is made perfect in your weaknesses…”
When troubles come and anxiety fills my heart, I can look to Him for peace, for His word said “My peace I give unto you…”

When I’m all alone, and there’s no one I can turn to, He is right there beside me, for His word says: “Never will I leave you nor forsake you…”

Lastly, having said and knowing all these, I can believe it with all my heart, that He is all I need.

By Su Kian
7th October 2005

Deeper in Love

2007-04-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

Started reading the book “Enjoying God” by S.J.Hill, which I believe I found this book not just by coincidence! At the same time, it’a a season of my life now where God is bringing me to a place, closer to His presence, His purpose, and His heart. I begin to discover what it means to enjoy God, I mean truly enjoying Him. It was overwhelming at times because of the revelation of who God is, and who I really am!
Unworthy…undeserving…yet, He poured out His love for me. Feeling overwhelmed by His love and grace, I knew that nothing that I could do that can pay back what He has done for me.

And I realised, that the greatest gift that I could offer is the acceptance of His love for me, realising that I belong to Him..His treasured possession, the apple of His eyes.
He lead me to a secret place, where all other things around me started fading and I could see Him clearer and closer.

In that place, I felt broken and poor…realised that I have nothing but Jesus alone, the things in my life will not last forever, and people often come and go..
A revelation within my heart that Jesus only I have, and will always have til eternity.

I begin to fall in love all over again, deeper in love with Jesus…once again He captivated my heart. My heart started to catch His heartbeat, and I started living only for the audience of One.
It all happened, in that secret place….
I believe that He wants you too to come into that secret place, just you and Him, to be with Him, and you’ll discover His beautiful and wonderful love for you.
I can now say this “ Jesus, You are the lover of my soul…”

The invitation is always open, could you hear His gentle whisper in your heart…?
Will you come into that secret place?

Few Words to Share...

2007-04-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

Hi, all my beloved friends and family..or whoever is reading this!

Decided to start this blog, as a place where I can share some of my experiences and what's I've learned so far...

I’m inspired by some the blogs that I’ve read and kinda think to myself that it’s actually a good idea. My prayer is that may whatever things that I share can encourage you to continue to pursue Jesus and to walk with Him all the days of your life. So far, I found that walking with Jesus has been an exciting, adventurous, and wonderful journey! Let us walk in this journey together!!

SK